LadyHawke's Lair

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14.6.06

.::Just Whining::.

I am in a

mood.

My son is taking his nap so I thought of just taking my nap too but my eyes just don't want to close and my head is spinning with thinking. It all started with last night. After tucking my sons in bed, I was thinking of just cuddling with hubby. It has been a looooong time since I do that with him, just holding him in my arms and feeling secure in his arms. Oh ya, I was holding him in my arms and his arms tuck under his head and he's sleeping. After holding him for sometimes and seeing that he's tired and sleeping. I just moved back to my place between my sons. During that time I felt so alone. Sigh.

Today doesn't make any difference. I have a feeling that my aunt doesn't want me to send my son to her house end of this week. I haven't do any work for almost 2 weeks and I'm getting worried because school will open in a week time. Am I being a burden to others? Are my kids just another burden too? Maybe I should just go missing. Then my presence will be felt and I be missed. Or maybe.. just good riddance.

I think my hubby deserve a better wife and my kids deserve a better mum. Someone who can take care of them 24/7 , clean and cook which I can't. I can't express this to anyone. Then they'll just say that I'm just being petty and sensitive. I don't want to be feeling this either! Try crying and crying and being confused of what you want and who you are. And being pregnant doesn't help much. I think I deserve to be alone and I shlould shut the world out. I just getting crazy. I should admit myself in IMH.

What do I want in life? I think I don't want anything else. I don't want my life or trading it with someone else.. I just don't want any more of life. I'm just bloody damn tired of life. If I'm in Harry Porter world, I just go and find myself a dementor and let it suck the life out of me. Then I will still be alive yet lifeless. I better stop jabbering coz I'm just uttering nonsense. To anyone who read this, please do not leave any comments. I'm just drowning my sorrow. After typing all these crap and crying, I can then feel better as usual. I trudge on.

as i left my kiss at 11:45 AM

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'Da Lady

Alisa
A	is for	*Artistic*
L	is for	*Lively*
I	is for	*Industrious*
S	is for	*Spectacular*
A	is for	*Astounding*

What Does Your Name Mean?

LadyHawke seen earth since 20th April '78. Been to EPS,TMS,SRJC,NIE In love with Mika & the babies Faezin, Fitri & Farihin.

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@~ Important Dates ~@

January
6th Bapak
7th Mama
21st 1st date
23rd Boy (Farhan)
25th Badar

February
11th Wati

March
12th Girl
24th Imah
28th Mamai

April
8th Ayah
13th Ibu
20th Mine

May
18th Abg Man
24th Zaid

June
29th Fara

July
3rd Iz
6th Afiq
7th Faezin
8th Bibik

August
1st Obek Yatim
2nd Bis
4th Fazuli
30th Syahida
31st Wisya

September
5th Liyana
9th Obek Bedah
29th Mika

October
3rd Niza
23rd DIni

November
14th Fitri
25th Farihin

December
4th Annibversary
6th Kak Jijah
17th Santi

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@~ My Wish List ~@
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Ideal Weight (50-55 kg)
Daughter
University Degree
Class3 Licence
Solitaire Diamond Ring
Visit Mecca
Visit Disneyland
A Study Full of Books & more Books
Start My Own Childcare / Tuition Ctr
A Black Rose

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@~ 'Da Time ~@

@~ 'Da Weather Today ~@